What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

What should I be when I grow up? That is the question I have been struggling with for the last 8 years. I have a bachelors degree in Psychology and a masters degree in Higher Education Administration. I should have figured it out by now, but I haven't. I worked in the field of Higher Ed for a few years until I moved to WI, and was limited in my job search. Wandered into a great apparently in non-profit housing for a few years. Then got a great opportunity to plan events for another non-profit and jumped on it. Felt unfulfilled in that position, and found my way back to non-profit housing, emergency shelters specifically, for a couple more years. Then there were way more homeless people and way less money, and suddenly, no job for me.
That was a little over a year ago.

For the last year, I have had the opportunity to work for a local coffee shop, first as a barista, and now as a "gelato queen" and manager of one their locations. But I am making barely more than half of what I used to, with no benefits, unless you count the beginnings of carpal tunnel and Morton's Neuroma in my feet. I work for a great local couple who own the company, which has three locations, and get to be surrounded by coffee, which makes this espresso-addicted girl happy.

But I have been struggling with the whole "who am I?" question for the last year. I mean, I am 30-mumblecough years old, and working in a field nowhere near what I went to school for, treated like crap daily by doctors who feel they are better than everyone around them and customers who can't be bothered to stop talking on the phone long enough to place their order or receive their change. Its enough some days to make a girl slip some Baileys into her cold-press coffee.

The anal, organized part of my  brain greatly enjoys the managing of the store, placing orders, labeling, creating paperwork & staying on top of inventory.  The creative part of my brain loves creating signage for the store, and the people-person part of my brain loves the staff I work with and the customers that actually smile when they get their coffee.

But the previously exempt employee with her own office misses wearing pretty clothes without food or coffee stains, sitting down to eat lunch, being able to sleep until 6:30am and co-workers who want to hang out with me after work. That is if I wasn't dead tired after standing for 9 hours, didn't have to go to bed at 8:30pm and could actually convince myself to get off the sofa to go out with friends on a week night.

For so long, who I am was tied up in what I did for a living. I have less cognitive dissonance now that I am managing one of the stores versus being "just" a barista. But I feel this little being in me saying,"This isn't what you are supposed to be doing with your life. This isn't making a difference. Something is missing."

Now to figure out what that is supposed to be, what she should do when she grows up.