So I have failed miserably lately for creating time for myself. Well, unless its sneaking in games of solitaire on Facebook, but that's usually so I can sit and think about nothing for a few minutes. Since I haven't blogged in months, you were probably already aware of this, though. There are pages and pages of things I want to do, and could probably make time for, IF I had the energy to do so. I am not handling the lack of - or more appropriately, the disrupted sleep - that I have been getting for the last 9.5 months. I really feel like I should be able to get more done, but all I want to do is sleep. (Even as I try to write this, twice I have had to comfort Charlie because he has bumped his head trying to stand on the chair I am sitting in - because OMG! MOM IS ON THE COMPUTER, I MUST STOP THIS!) When I think about the things I want or need to get done, it just makes me MORE tired. In fact, its depressing just to write about it.
I did manage to complete a digital scrapbook of my hospital pictures of Charlie's birth over the last week. Just need Jim to get some info & journal a little if he wants. Now, don't be too impressed. It really only took me about 6 hours total to do the 20 pages. I do miss playing with paper on a traditional scrapbook, but its much more work to get out all the tools I need for that than it is to do on my computer.
Maybe I will leave Jim to parent this afternoon and run some errands. Not really "me" time, but it won't be "mommy" time anyway.
Anyway, just wanted to say a quick HI! And apologize for not having better figured out how to manage my time yet.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Made time
I have been wanting to blog for over a month now, but I have sucked at making the time. So today I tried to "make time" during a nap, but the Geekling had other plans. Blogging aborted. Tried tonight to make time. I got the blue screen of death twice. Called the Geek Squad (ie husband). It seems there is a problem with an optional update and IE 9 (which I only use for blogging - something about gmail and the 4 gmail accounts I have) that causes the Blue Screen of death. Viola! Jeeves (husband) finds this problem and fixes it. 30 minutes after I try to start blogging, I can actually start typing!
I am making time everywhere people!
I was chatting with a friend the other week. She and her partner had their baby just a day before Charlie, so we were catching up about our little time drainers. She also wanted to make sure that I was doing ok. Some of my internet posts had her a little worried that I might not be doing ok, that I might not be enjoying parenting. I laughed and reassured her, but also thanked her for checking up on me.
For as much as I might share (ok, overly share) how little sleep I get, when I am not a stumbling zombie, I find that I am greatly enjoying parenting more than I thought I would. I still GREATLY miss sleeping for more than 3 hours in a row, and I would give my best nursing bra to sleep for 5 hours in a row. But most of the time, I would still do it again. (Although that would require actually having energy to have sex, which is still eluding me. Poor Jeeves.) But the good news is that I am too tired to worry about the fact that I am probably messing Charlie up! A routine? What's that? Nap schedule? I put him to sleep when he is sleepy! 15 minutes of reading to him every day? Sure, most of the time, but I have to work hard just to remember to brush my teeth daily! Don't let your baby watch tv? Hey, a girl has to get dressed and if the Price is Right distracts him enough so I can, then 10 minutes of the Price is Right it is!
(Now where was I? My "made time" is during laundry and I had to run another rinse cycle on the diapers.)
Oh yes - I did have one new mom meltdown. But surprisingly it wasn't about me worrying that I was doing something wrong with the Geekling. It was about all the things in life that WEREN'T baby related that I was struggling to get done. I had locked my keys in the car at the grocery store (when I had the Geekling with me), I had forgotten a card for my nephew's birthday, my house was a mess, and just a whole lot of other little life things that piled up and overwhelmed me. I felt like the only thing that I COULD do was parent the Geekling. Luckily the breakdown didn't last long, and my nephew was not permanently scarred. My loved ones cared enough to ask what was wrong, and knew enough to wait until I was able to talk about it. But basically it boiled down to parenting the Geekling was taking up more time than I anticipated and I was struggling find any life balance. (Still struggling! But managing better. Mostly just ignoring the cat hair tumbleweeds that have invaded my house.)
Well its 10pm already and little Geekling will be up between 7 and 8 (and 1 & 3, and 4 & 6) so I better go to sleep. Night all!
I am making time everywhere people!
I was chatting with a friend the other week. She and her partner had their baby just a day before Charlie, so we were catching up about our little time drainers. She also wanted to make sure that I was doing ok. Some of my internet posts had her a little worried that I might not be doing ok, that I might not be enjoying parenting. I laughed and reassured her, but also thanked her for checking up on me.
For as much as I might share (ok, overly share) how little sleep I get, when I am not a stumbling zombie, I find that I am greatly enjoying parenting more than I thought I would. I still GREATLY miss sleeping for more than 3 hours in a row, and I would give my best nursing bra to sleep for 5 hours in a row. But most of the time, I would still do it again. (Although that would require actually having energy to have sex, which is still eluding me. Poor Jeeves.) But the good news is that I am too tired to worry about the fact that I am probably messing Charlie up! A routine? What's that? Nap schedule? I put him to sleep when he is sleepy! 15 minutes of reading to him every day? Sure, most of the time, but I have to work hard just to remember to brush my teeth daily! Don't let your baby watch tv? Hey, a girl has to get dressed and if the Price is Right distracts him enough so I can, then 10 minutes of the Price is Right it is!
(Now where was I? My "made time" is during laundry and I had to run another rinse cycle on the diapers.)
Oh yes - I did have one new mom meltdown. But surprisingly it wasn't about me worrying that I was doing something wrong with the Geekling. It was about all the things in life that WEREN'T baby related that I was struggling to get done. I had locked my keys in the car at the grocery store (when I had the Geekling with me), I had forgotten a card for my nephew's birthday, my house was a mess, and just a whole lot of other little life things that piled up and overwhelmed me. I felt like the only thing that I COULD do was parent the Geekling. Luckily the breakdown didn't last long, and my nephew was not permanently scarred. My loved ones cared enough to ask what was wrong, and knew enough to wait until I was able to talk about it. But basically it boiled down to parenting the Geekling was taking up more time than I anticipated and I was struggling find any life balance. (Still struggling! But managing better. Mostly just ignoring the cat hair tumbleweeds that have invaded my house.)
Well its 10pm already and little Geekling will be up between 7 and 8 (and 1 & 3, and 4 & 6) so I better go to sleep. Night all!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Team Sleep
TWO MONTHS?! I haven't blogged in two months? What the ... Well - just feel lucky that I have at least showered a few times in those two months. :: sniff, sniff :: Well not TODAY, but most days.
I feel so cliche - Charlie is 3 & a half months old now. He seems GIANT. Time goes by so fast. All those things you hear people say are true. (which is probably why they say them) I can say that I already miss the "little" baby days. I go to a weekly breastfeeding support group and when there are babies younger than Charlie there, I ALREADY think - he was never that small! Sigh. I already became that person.
I am happy - actually HAPPY - to say that I have easily fallen into a role that I was sure wouldn't fit me. It feels weird, yet very "normal", that I have slid so smoothly into this new identity. My decision to stay home has been very intuitive so far. I can't imagine doing anything else - even though I NEVER thought of myself as someone who would stay home. Yes, my back hurts from having to carry him around when he doesn't want to be set down and I wish I could just SIT sometimes, but it feels so natural. Huh. There are not many things in my life where I have felt "natural" - most of the time I feel awkward and out of place. So this is something new and exciting for me.
I never worried that I wouldn't love Charlie, but I worried I wouldn't love him the right way. But based on my desire to just hold him when he sleeps, or squish him because he is so cute, or the way my heart breaks when I hear sad stories about children - I feel confident that my love is the right way.
The way stories affect me now is something that has taken me by surprise. TV shows, books, movies with story lines that involve injured or dead children make me feel sick to my stomach. Sure, I have always been disturbed by these things, but the physical response I now have is astonishing. Even just a post I read about how a new mom's mother-in-law proudly tells her that when she brought her son home from the hospital, she put him in his bassinet and vacuumed to cover up his cries because he needed to learn that he couldn't "get away with that sort of thing", makes my stomach lurch and my fists ball.
But the Colbert Report is on now, which means I better go to sleep as Charlie will want to eat in 3-4 hours. If I am lucky. Here's hoping for a 5 hour stretch of sleep! Or 4! GOOO SLEEP! (I am Team Sleep)
I feel so cliche - Charlie is 3 & a half months old now. He seems GIANT. Time goes by so fast. All those things you hear people say are true. (which is probably why they say them) I can say that I already miss the "little" baby days. I go to a weekly breastfeeding support group and when there are babies younger than Charlie there, I ALREADY think - he was never that small! Sigh. I already became that person.
I am happy - actually HAPPY - to say that I have easily fallen into a role that I was sure wouldn't fit me. It feels weird, yet very "normal", that I have slid so smoothly into this new identity. My decision to stay home has been very intuitive so far. I can't imagine doing anything else - even though I NEVER thought of myself as someone who would stay home. Yes, my back hurts from having to carry him around when he doesn't want to be set down and I wish I could just SIT sometimes, but it feels so natural. Huh. There are not many things in my life where I have felt "natural" - most of the time I feel awkward and out of place. So this is something new and exciting for me.
I never worried that I wouldn't love Charlie, but I worried I wouldn't love him the right way. But based on my desire to just hold him when he sleeps, or squish him because he is so cute, or the way my heart breaks when I hear sad stories about children - I feel confident that my love is the right way.
The way stories affect me now is something that has taken me by surprise. TV shows, books, movies with story lines that involve injured or dead children make me feel sick to my stomach. Sure, I have always been disturbed by these things, but the physical response I now have is astonishing. Even just a post I read about how a new mom's mother-in-law proudly tells her that when she brought her son home from the hospital, she put him in his bassinet and vacuumed to cover up his cries because he needed to learn that he couldn't "get away with that sort of thing", makes my stomach lurch and my fists ball.
But the Colbert Report is on now, which means I better go to sleep as Charlie will want to eat in 3-4 hours. If I am lucky. Here's hoping for a 5 hour stretch of sleep! Or 4! GOOO SLEEP! (I am Team Sleep)
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